A Wonderful World

Howdy - I will be using Wordpress for my photography blogging from this point fwd:

http://andybuckner.wordpress.com/

I did it! I finally created a photo website! I am using Smugmug.com and have spent a lot of time customizing it (it is currently 2:22AM!). It may appear simple, but it was a giant pain in the butt to get it this simple! I have been changing code every day (since about 4 days ago) so I am sure plenty more will change as I learn how to do things. It is in the just beginning stage right now in terms of content and design, but I am proud of where it is at so far. Bear with me!

Anyways,

I will be positing more entries with photos as I shoot more. This will be my official photography blog from this point forward. Here are a few from my latest batch. I took these while walking through Oneil Park early in the morning while it was still foggy. It was a great experience - but I must say that I was a bit paranoid of Mountain Lions walking through those bushy hills full of fog!

www.andybucknerphotography.com

An old faucet that caught my eye. It looked well worn and had stood the test of time.

This was one of the pathways that I was walking on that morning. It was a beautiful and even mystical experience.

This is my dog, Skippy. He went camping with me and was pretty bored here since dogs were not allowed of the leash! [He eventually got his wiggles out though! ;)]

A beautiful tree against the sun breaking through the fog for the first time early in the morning. It was beautiful and I hope I captured a piece of that beauty with this photo.

I think that being “myself” is a harder process than what originally portrayed. You see, I realize now that I have to learn to be myself again. What do I mean by again? Well, I have spent my whole life, to this point, learning how to be what others want me to be - and it started at a young age. I remember being told to “go pull my tag” (disciplined) at the age of 7 because I broke out singing Paradise City by Guns N Roses in the middle of a spelling test. I understand that this was not conducive to the testing atmosphere, but I also remember thinking about the song and wanting to just express myself in my way, when I wanted! Now, I am not bashing education or anything, I am just trying to say that I had a time in my life where I was personally free enough to break out singing on the spot in public and now you would be hard pressed to get me to sing if you paid me! This process went on, especially in high school when personal status and how you are perceived by people is everything. When I held how I was perceived by others with such importance (most of which I think was sub-conscious), I was willing to “adapt” (aka not be myself) to be accepted more.

So you see, once I got the light bulb moment that I wanted to be more authentically me, I realized it is a process, one with lots of learning, and not a flip of the switch. I have to learn how to be OK with the way others see me, even if I know the way the see me is highly inaccurate, I have to be OK with other people being themselves. And when I say OK, I really mean OK on a deep level and not offering lip service to appear OK. This is an interesting concept because I think I can fool myself sometimes into thinking I am being me when I am actually not - I am just trying not to change. People will go through “phases” trying to be themselves, but often these phases are just at the opposite end of the spectrum and are in reality just another form of changing to be accepted…by someone.

All of this is great as long as you and I keep searching. Keep taking personally time to check and see if we feel right in who we have decided to be and identify with.

in the end, I think what I am really after here is peace. True, unconditional peace in my thoughts and emotions - serenity. When I think about it, I am most at rest mentally and physically when I am being my authentic self. I am not thinking about status, money, sexiness, clothes, cars, future maybes, past “woopsies”, pleasing my dad, competing with my brother, fearing a job loss, and the list goes on and on - I am sure you know what I mean with those thoughts. Nope, when I let all that go and accept me in all my un-“perfect” glory, I realize that this is the acceptance I have been striving for all along, my own. And it is this acceptance that really allows me to experience life in a whole new way - again.

You are not alone, ever. The universe has your back whether you know it or not. We are all in this thing together.

Sometimes things happen that hurt, suck, cause stress, etc. But often these experiences bring about a fork in the road (i.e. have a purpose); a choice is presented to continue along the same path you have been on, or to take an entirely new path… which can be a terrifying idea. I feel that often times the path that is most terrifying to consider acting upon is what I truly desire deep inside - hip hip hooray for that.

My point is this: you, or I, can be traveling down a road when life suddenly smacks us and then we are forced to deal with some issues as a result. I see this as positive because it lets me know that even if I am coasting along in life unconscious of the decisions I am making and how they effect my life, that the universe will step in and help get me back on track. It may not be pretty, but it will get the job done. In the end, I am grateful for that and no matter what happens, I know that I am not alone on this journey.